Vampire Guide 201 takes a more
in-depth look at the Myths vs. The Realities of Vampires
Myth: Vampires are undead corpses basically
risen from the grave and possibly even mindless zombie-esque creatures
without a soul.
Reality: Nothing could be farther from
the truth. Vampires are neither undead, mindless, or soulless. Vampires
are born like any other baby and go through a normal childhood like any
other. It is not until they are mature that their true nature manifests
itself. (and, in my personal, completely unscientifically proven opinion,
vampirism is not a virus or some such, but rather a difference in soul-therefore,
they must have them!!)
Myth: Vampires must sleep in coffins and
with some of their “native” soil.
Reality: Yuck. That’s just gross. What if you were born in Alaska
or something? You’d have to go all the way there to get some dirt before
you could get a good day’s sleep? Come on.
Myth: Vampires sleep during the day and
can not be exposed to sunlight in any form lest they burst into dramatic
Reality: Seriously, you think they’d be able to survive as long
as they have if they had to live in caves and such? Not true. Now, many of them may demand sunglasses for any outside activities since
their eyes tend
to be more sensitive to light that most and if a vampire has pale skin, they’ll
put on sunscreen, but many vamps sport a constant “healthy
Myth: Vampires can not enter any home without
permission and the placement of crosses or garlic around frames will keep them out as well.
Reality: Well, of course it’s nice to be invited into someone’s
home rather than just breaking in, it’s certainly not necessary. As for
wards of crosses or garlic, they’d probably just think you were a little
weird as they walked in the door.
Myth: The mere sight of a cross or other
“holy” object will stop Vampires dead in their tracks and the touch of such
items will cause them to burn.
Reality: They’re not evil. You can’t simply repel them with religious tokens.
Myth: Vampires are all evil, satanic, and
demons. They worship evil and cause nothing but destruction.
Reality: Don’t ever call a vampire “evil” unless you want it
to be the last thing you say. (and yes, sarcasm was intended there) They hate that.
They’re not a race of demons
and they’re certainly not all part of a satanic cult. Now, that having been
said, I am sure that just as there are vampires of all religious backgrounds,
there are some who choose to take that route. But, the difference is plainly
clear: it is the individual not the species that is evil.
Myth: Vampires are all violently allergic
to garlic (and silver) and it can be used to harm them and/or repel them.
Reality: Garlic is great on pizza, in pasta, etc. Now,
a vampire could have an honest food allergy to it, but that’s just coincidence.
As for silver, same thing. It is a normal metal to a vampire as any other.
Myth: Vampires eat no food, drink no beverage,
and can only survive on blood.
Reality: While, yes, it is true that they do drink blood, they also
eat three meals a day like anyone else along with every and any type of
normal beverage. Vampires are in living bodies, remember.
Myth: Vampires kill at least one victim
a night and drink them dry; also they leave their dead and drained bodies
lying around wherever they fall.
Reality: Do you know how much blood there is in your average
person?? Ok, take some of the 'pint' glasses you get beer in and line NINE
of them up in a row. There's an average woman. Make it TWELVE and you've
got the average man. Thirsty? And have you checked out the homicide and
forensics capabilities of the police lately? Vampires use donors (see "donors"),
drink animal blood from a butcher (see "animal blood
safety"), or sometimes arrange "safe houses" as meeting
places for vampire and donor. Again, not nearly as interesting as the fiction.
Myth: Vampires can fly; either under
their own power, or by transmorphing into an animal such as a bat.
Reality: If a vampire jumps off of a building or other equally high surface,
they will fall. (It’s that whole “gravity” thing, you know) And I can only
imagine that it would really have to hurt to transform into another animal.
(And what happens to all the remaining mass? The size of a person and a
bat are nothing alike!) In short, no for both.
Vampires can be killed by a wooden stake through the heart or by decapitating
them. (ie: removing their head)
Reality: Ready for the "duh" factor...? ANYTHING would die if
you drove a stake (wooden or not!) through it's heart and ANYTHING would die if
you cut off it's head. Sure, you could kill a vampire in these ways, but you
could also kill anyone in that way and you'd still be looking at Murder.
Not a lot of fun and definitely not recommended.