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About the Owner/Founder of the Site and the Site's History
Written February 25, 2008

I used to have a lot of information about me here. But you know, in the end, it doesn't matter. This site isn't about me and never was. Let me give you a little background and maybe that will help.

The site was started as a free site on Tripod back in 1998. I originally had a really cheesy site filled with bad vampire graphics and very little style. I didn't know anything about web design and it was my first real foray into the web in any formal way. I had been borrowing time on a friend's computer a few hours at a time since around 1994, but I'd never had my own computer and certainly not my own website. Back in '98, it was still hundreds of dollars to have a domain name; something reserved for businesses. Free webhosts were the norm and back then, having your own web presence was quite amazing in general.

Around the same time I started what would later evolve into "" I also had another online screen name "Serpents_Tail" It was just another persona if you will; another way to be creative and experiment with design, writings and expression online. It was never meant to be some huge secret that I had two screen names, but many people took it that way (and still do, ten years later which I've never understood.) It was a lot of experimentation in a new format and ways of being creative in a new way more than anything.

Within about a year, the original site morphed from what was originally called "Memory_and_Dream" into the early forms of Drink Deeply and Dream. It was the site that was originally called by what later became my infamous online nick. "Memory_and_Dream" originated as a title of a book by Charles de Lint and seemed to capture a mood I was going for. The original tagline of the site was " the breath between memory and dream you will find me..." A little melodramatic perhaps, but I was around 21 and this was all a new thing for me. Back then, I originally went for the more mysterious aspect and tried to present a persona which fit the part.

The thing to remember throughout all of this is that the site was never about me personally. I met someone who introduced me to the entire concept of "real vampires" and over months, I learned all about the realities of it and the truths and got to experience any number of things which let me have intimate knowledge about the subject - even if it wasn't something I'd ever experienced or known about prior to this point. See, when I originally wrote the articles for the site, I did so from a first-person perspective for a number of reasons. First, because it's really easier to write about something that way when you're discussing an educational topic. Secondly, because despite the fact that the site wasn't based on my personal origins, I had seen and done and learned all about the topic first hand and could relate it to the world from that perspective. And third, because again, I originally started this site as a persona; a character. She was based on me, but parts of me and parts of someone - and something - else. She was a role I'd assume online and she spoke with a certain tone and voice that was more formal and poetic than I was in the day-to-day. (And this is again similar to other personas and screen names I've used over the years that represent different aspects of me or allowed me to explore roles I otherwise would never have been able to undertake.) This isn't to say that the information is in any way fake or untrue. Because it really is honest and factual. It's just like a documentary where the names have been changed to protect the innocent. "MemoryandDream" became my way of expressing truths of those around me and those I knew without it being their name and their private story.

And again, this wasn't something I necessarily kept secret. I just let people assume what they would. After all, I did write the site from first-person and I let people believe that meant I was, specifically, a sang myself. Which would often cause confusion on the part of people who'd see my other screen names or my other writings. They'd ask why I claimed to be so many different things. I admit, I found it easier just to let people believe what they wanted, namely because I never wanted people to think that by being the storyteller of this knowledge, that it made it any less true. I never wanted people to doubt themselves or their feelings or their belief by doubting me. I wonder if the distinction can be understood and the motivation for everyone else to continue to count on the site as a source of knowledge, sanity and hope can be appreciated.

DrinkDeeplyandDream was never about me. It was never for me. It was made for others so that they might get some sanity out of the insane, and some place to go that was safe. I dedicated years into the site. Creating forums, writing lengthy email replies to people seeking help, discussing topics with those who were scared or confused and generally trying to be a source of support and knowledge for anyone wanting to learn. Several close friends and namely those who've assisted me over the years with responsibilities such as moderating forums, have always known that the site wasn't specifically about me, but rather, my retelling of other close relations' lives. To put it another way, I always openly told my moderators and admins that I wasn't personally a sang and to the last, they all not only understood, but they even more appreciated how much work I put into a site that I didn't receive any personal benefit from; that was created solely to help others.

The domain moved a few times, mirrored on another free host at one point and then was hosted on a domain name that later was let to expire and was taken over by a adult sex site. We gained our own domain name - - back in 2001. In 2005, after losing years of data on our ezboard forum, we also moved the message board to the domain and have been here ever since.

A number of years ago, I went through all the articles on the site and changed them from first person, to third. Meaning I took out the "I" from the information. I wanted the information to go back to being general knowledge and not presented as personally. Since that time, I've also taken to writing forum and email replies in the same manner, taking myself out of the equation. After so many years writing about something that wasn't me I really started to get burnt out. I got tired of being attacked for the site; tired of being always seen as the crazy chick from that crazy site; tired that everything I did online was connected back here, to Drink Deeply and Dream. When I started the site, I never in a million years expected it to become so large, so prevalent nor so long-standing. It was created on a bit of a whim in the spirit of sharing information to a vast new world; to share knowledge in a new medium in a new way. It wasn't supposed to turn into a gargantuan resource referenced in books and used as source material in documentaries. I got so tired of being only "MemoryandDream" and never being able to escape the legacy of this site. People only see me as her and never as me. And that gets to be a very tiring burden to carry after ten years.

The last few years, my attention span for the site has admittedly waned. I've really stopped responding to emails and barely keep up with maintaining the message boards. Every year I think this is the year I just don't renew the site; this is the year I get away from it all. I long ago withdrew completely from other sites and message boards on the subject; long ago stopped promoting the site; and long ago stopped getting involved in any aspect outside of my own little corner of the vampire-based world. I've gone on to create my own small business, registered on forums that represent my real interests to discuss things that I personally care about. I've started doing video blogs and stretched out into areas that don't have anything to do with this site. And you know what? It feels great. Until, inevitably, people who have nothing better to do stalk me down and try to force their hatred and ignorance on me in those other places on the web. I'm 30 now (will be 31 in May of 2008) and I'm tired of the games, the drama and the bullshit I get because I own this site. I just want to be left alone and for people to realize I'm not my website. I don't want to be interviewed, I don't want to be harassed, I don't want to be exclusively associated with something I made ten years ago for everyone else.

It's hard to walk away from something like this though. It's probably the largest thing I've ever contributed to the world - for better or worse. I just find myself questioning whether or not it's still relevant; whether or not it still does any amount of good. The web feels so jaded these days and there's so many people who hate me for this site, that I often wonder why I should still bother. I want to pack up and let it go quietly into that dark night and let someone else carry the burden from now on. But things become habit and ten years is a long time to do something and face leaving it behind.

So, this is where we come back to the present. And here is where we are now. Where I tell you once and for all that yes, it's true. This site was never about me. It was always for you, the seeker. That I'm tired of being that person and that I'm tired of never being able to escape what I've made. I can't say for certain what I'll do come May of this year when the domain comes up once again for renewal. I may or may not let it keep going, but a large part of me feels that if I don't eventually walk away, I'll never be able to be anyone but the owner of DrinkDeeplyandDream. No matter what else I do or try or accomplish, it's always under the shadow of this site. But I thought, once and for all, instead of just rattling off boring stats about myself, I'd give you the full story of both myself and this site. I've wanted to say all of this in some form or another for years, but it's hard to express without people misconstruing your words into something else. Again, I want to stress that just because the site isn't about me as a person, nothing here was ever less than factual. This has always been my biggest fear with such a "confession" - I didn't want the years of support, knowledge and information exchange to be tainted by doubt. Above all else, if this site has accomplished anything, it's always been my hope that it's managed to help someone, somewhere along the way. At least then, it would be worth the aggravation, frustration and pain I've dealt with all these years.


I welcome comments and thoughts on the subject, though if you have nothing constructive or at least polite to say, save us both the waste of time and just keep your nasty thoughts to yourself. You can email me at webmaster[at]


Have any vampire novels you've read and don't want anymore? Send 'em my way! 
I am always looking for something fun to read and the book stores around me never have any.

Also! You can see what's on my wishlist or my daydream list for other ideas or books I'm trying to find.

M. Turner
PO Box 1484
Elfers, FL 34680

please note: this isn't my personal po box. it's actually my mothers. she will forward items from it to me, so be nice with any packaging or anything on the outside. show some respect and realize she'll see it before I do.

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